Sometimes, it just feels like everything is empty.
My life is empty.
My words are meaningless.
My thoughts, are they really my own?
Who knows, someone may actually be controlling your thoughts.
Spooky.
Living a life empty is not a life worth living.
Life is supposed to be worthwhile.
But right at this moment, its completely useless.
We go through the same routine everyday.
We wake up, get ready to go to our horrible job [or for those who can't get themselves a job, we stick around the house and look up job ads], then we come home and eat dinner then fall right back to sleep only to wake up the next morning with the same shitty thought...ugh work.
So what is it about life that interests many? Obviously, we hate going to work but love the checks we receive. It's clear that money is the whole purpose of life. Of living.

"As soon as a man is born, he begins to die."
What a great proverb, for that great philosopher--kudos. There is great truth in these words. We are born from our mothers womb and we slowly begin to die. For that is the whole purpose of life, or so the Christains believe. They believe that we are living our life in order to get to heaven, into God's great land above. I find that as total crap. I used to be Athiest, then turned to Christainity, and clearly, I am back at loathing everything. I find it as a great deal of bullshit what they teach. I mean, I admit, I was taken into their belief but slowly, gradually, I began to realize that they don't know anything, none of us do. You look at a book and instantly believe there is a God. Seriously people, if I happened to write a book about a goddess named "GODDESS" and stated factly that she created the universe with various stories explaining how we came to be, I'd bet you all would believe it. It's all in the way it is written and all in the way people perceive it. You'd have to be pretty darn convincing...which I can be, if I tried.
Now I will not go into great details about how I don't believe in Christ, because there is much debate about it, and usually debating about religion seems to go around in circles. No one can prove how we exist. Not Christains, not scientists and certainly not the people who don't believe in anything. It's a mystery, whether we'd like to admit it or not.
Sigh.
I've been having a lot of emotions running through me these past couple of days.
Today, I've recently just came back home from SOHO and I didn't have that great of a day.
Apparently, I was supposed to meet up my friend [ex best-friend] and my best friend up at Union Sq, but I decided I didn't want to go. I called her up and asked her when they were leaving, and she said "in like 10 minutes" and I couldnt hop on the train right then and there because by the time I would've gotten there, they'd be heading back. No use wasting money.
That is not the thing that got me upset.
What did get me upset was the thing she told me.
"Yeah, me and ___ went to a rock concert last night and it was soo much fun. I pushed __ into the mosh pit and ___ fell on top of a girl and then ___ pushed me back. It was so much fun."
--Oh yeah? Who was playing?
--Just some spanish rock band, but it was so much fun.
--[me, thinking oh great, thanks for rubbin it in my face. Nice of you for inviting me, oh wait, you didnt.]
--Yeah, there's another concert this month.
--[Fabolous, I don't wanna go with you fucking fags. Have a pleasant time together. You don't need me.]
--Next time we all meet up I'll give you a call.
--Sure, alright. [fuckin not.]
I mean, I AM FUCKING NOT OKAY WITH THIS. ___ is supposed to be my best fucking friend. I claim him as my best fucking friend, and yet __ doesn't even ring me up. Are you fucking seriously? I mean, I know when people grow apart they don't even bother to give you a call anymore. I hate this shit. I guess I kind of pushed ___ away, since I had canceled everything because of my fucking temporary belief in Christ. I mean, I sort of regret it, but I sort of don't. It's impossible for me to regret my time with Christ because it was a good experience but I do regret it because it had made me become someone really different. Someone who wasn't really me. Someone who couldn't really express herself. It wasn't me. That's not who I am. I am a fucking girl who fucking loves cursing at the world. I love fuckin vile fucking shit man. I'm not a goody too shoe bean bitch, I'm just a fucking bitch. Like it or not, I hate everyone. I am fucking vulgar. I am a fuck.
Okay, I believe that everything will come around though. The universe has a way of bringing everything back..but it also has a way of tearing you apart.
What am I to do?
They do not need me anymore.
I do not even exist to them.
I am a mere tissue
that if they needed to blow their nose on,
they'd reach for me.
But as soon as they've used me to help themselves,
I am instantly thrown away just as fast.
Yeah, I am a temporary reject.
I belong to nothing,
for I am nothing.
I do not exist.
Am I a soul?
I am physical,
but beyond that,
I am just another atom
floating on everyone
nonexistent to them.
I am even unsure I am alive.
What's peculiar about this whole situation,
What I sometimes secondguess myself for
is that maybe,
sometimes, I actually do exist.
Maybe, just maybe I do exist to them
They do realize I am there.
But they are afraid of me.
Ironic, fear? of me?
psh.
As if.
But yet,
what if it is so?
What am I left to do?
What is my physical being supposed to do?
Breathe.
Just,
...breathe.